Habit vs. Intention

Food intimidates me. That's hard to admit, since I'm supposed to be counseling others about it. I think it's because we have overcomplicated food, among other things in this world. The food industry has generated fears around food and then created products to alleviate those fears. It's really messed up, but I find myself getting caught up in it, even though I'm eating mostly whole foods. 

When I feel the most intimidated by food is around trying something new. I've come a long way from where I once was, but I have found myself in somewhat of a rut preparing the same things in the same way over and over and over. Granted, sometimes it's because I've got no creative juice left in me at the end of the day and just need to get some food on the table with no time to search for new recipes, but most often, I'm just doing what's easy and what I know.

This week, I was reminded of the Thirteen Attributes of Godliness shared by Rabbi Rami. Jews chant these attributes when they are feeling cut off from God to awaken to one's true nature as the Image and Likeness of God. The one I remember this week is

El/God the Creator/Creativity

The idea behind this part is that each day is new and fresh and we have the opportunity to avoid repeating yesterday. If we repeat the day before, we are living from habit, not intention. I don't want to live out of habit. I find myself again staring at the awareness factor--waking up to life all around, rather than limping along with the same old stuff.

Without knowing it, Crabtree Farms has presented me with an opportunity to break some of my habitual food prep patterns. We are members of their CSA program, and I love it. It keeps me on my toes to get me out of the "same ole, same ole" rut when it comes to food. Sometimes, food shows up in my box that totally intimidates me. I smile and act like I'm really excited to try something new, making small talk about the new food and how I might use it in the coming week. But inside I'm thinking, "What the heck is kohlrabi? This is the weirdest looking food I've ever seen. What am I going to do with it?" So when my buddy Candice invited me to consider writing the weekly newsletter attached to each box of food and include recipes for the items in the box, I had to do some serious deep breathing to get over the intimidation I felt. My initial response, inside my head, was, "Thanks for this opportunity, but I've got a lot going right now and don't want to take on too much." What I wrote in my email to her was, "Wow! Thanks for asking--I'd love to help do this--let's talk about the details." Let me be clear--I have not been chanting the Thirteen Attributes. How then did this response find it's way to my email outbox?

So maybe I'm making more progress on stepping out there and living with more intention than I realize. I can see it showing up in my spiritual practice, too. I think I may have actually spent at least 5 minutes everyday this last week in scripture reading and/or silence. I ran into my pre-natal yoga instructor and had an impromptu lunch with her, which yielded some great conversation and connection spiritually. I also attended class of a new yoga friend, who is going to be a great resource on my continued spiritual journey. I have set my intention to join a regular class following our next Academy session. All this feels like movement forward--with intention. And that feels really good.