Control

I have really been watching how food gets used in our culture these days, especially with kids. We use it as a bribe, denial, or reward most often. It seems to me like we use food to control how others will behave. As this observation was swirling in my head, my email spiritual adviser, Fr. Richard Rohr from CAC, reminded me of this: Control freaks are usually afraid of losing something.

Um...are you talking to me? Surely not. You didn't read this post. I'm not a control freak. I'm working on letting go. I'm just making observations about what other people are doing. Not me.

I kind of thought I'd made some progress, but then I stepped out of my body for a minute to take an honest look at my life. I have to confess that I have a nice coating of sugar covering up my true self these days. It's a sugar layer because if there is something sweet in the room it must be in my mouth. Unfortunately, the sweet coating doth not a sweet disposition make. It's actually the opposite. I get more possessive and controlling--about everything. Just ask my husband.

So then, what is it I'm afraid of losing? What fear is driving me to over-exert control in all aspects of my life?

I've got no good answers today. But I do have another good quote: "You will never have such security in God as when you realize you can't control God" (Yearning Minds and Burning Hearts, Carney & Long).
As I continue to work on letting go, I pray that my security in God will gradually wipe away my fear and my need to control will melt away this sugar outer-coating.

Exposed

One of the things about whole foods I love is its nakedness. It's totally raw--nothing to cover it up. I try to prepare food in a way that honors this fact so I get the goodness of its true nature without smothering it in heavy sauces or too many herbs & spices.

I have a hard time exposing myself in the same way. It's why I can't believe I started a blog. I'm one of those "private people" who doesn't reveal too much about myself until I feel extremely comfortable or have a deep connection with someone. I have spent a lifetime hiding my inner most feelings, so when I feel the least bit vulnerable, I shut down--wall goes up and communication ceases. I like to keep myself covered up in a nice cream sauce.

I need to take a lesson from my whole food buddies by honoring my raw self. If I love rawness so much in them, why can't I love it in myself, too? I can! So I'm going to start by letting go of the sauces, creams, herbs, and spices I have piled onto myself to cover the real me up. Yep, it's time to get naked.